About Me
I take on the blessing of all those who came before me. My powerful lineage of scholars, Mr. Panchu (great grandfather) I seek the blessings of your Vedantic knowledge and Power. I seek the blessing from my grandmother, who is the ember of my flame yet caught. I seek the blessings of my guru for the tools to empower my vision. I seek the blessings of the Advatic Masters, Adi Shankaracharya, Swami Vivekānanda, Swami Sarvapriyananda, and many more. I seek the blessings of those closest to the Divine Mother, Ramakrishna Paramahansa, and many more. I seek the blessings of my Ishtadeva, Ma Kali, hold me steady as I go.
Youth – Rebelion
Diagnosed with ADHD, having skin, asthma, and learning issues. I felt behind in almost everything growing up. Despite setback after setback, I wanted to fight, defy, stand out. As my self confidence and overall strength improved, a lot of my physical ailments that I thought were permanent went away. I eventually was undiagnosed with ADHD around the sophomore year of high school. This however created a problem, a lot of the help I got went away, and as much as the system wants to onboard a person with medications and programs, there is no off boarding procedure. I was stuck with resentment and failing grades. I found music to help me in my free time. Learning to write rap music and poems was something that aided my release of emotion. I resonated heavily with being a rebel, being unconventional and creative. Made a few songs, even made a music video.
My schooling in college still carried the same lack of discipline I had in high school, but where in high school I felt the need to perform and ended up coming out alright, I didn’t want to in college. Working part time at Target didn’t help either. I eventually dropped out, went to work full-time. I worked as a laboratory technician for a biomedical lab.
For a long while I wanted to stick with music as a creative outlit, but it slowly dissapeared. A focus on career and schooling became paramount because when Covid hit I had lost a family member through it. I told myself let me do a better job in life-science, let me try to make sure what happened doesn’t happen to others with testing kits. I got promoted to equipment specialist, then started working for my father who opened up his own biomedical business. I went back to school and got my associates in biomedical engineering with honors.
Even though I had put music to rest, that larger than life, creative fight, that daring, has never left me. It’s what fuels this work, all the same, manifested differently. I had also tried learning bartending and made some fun videos about mixing drinks. I have since deleted those as well and quite drinking as of the start of 2025, for Sadhana purposes, I plan on breaking sobriety at the end of the year. There is no shame in any of it, even the deleting is part of the full art and arc of myself.
There was also a good portion during college where I wanted to join the military. But due to current events I had changed my perspective on the military’s effectiveness and my effectiveness in that environment. The root of that desire to join the military was serving those who couldn’t protect themselves, knowing I was capable and fit, and exploring the world doing it. That energy to serve lives on in this work, and upon reflection writing this, the same energy that got me to want to improve my career and education.
Religion Growing Up
I was raised in an Arya Samaj household. God without form, God as good, and God that listened to the Havan Yajna, the common fire ritual done, and supposedly granted wishes. I grew up vegetarian and am still vegetarian to this day. With little aid I can recite these Vedic verses and follow the motions. But I often debated and doubted, which I still think was justified. Dogmatic nonsense from people who didn’t radiate what they said. However, I didn’t care to actually make any actionable change towards spirituality myself at the time because as far as I was concerned, it was a coping method for life’s challenges. Most of the people in my life seemed to just do it out of tradition rather than understanding, and I kept the same idea as well. It wasn’t at all useless, it brought the family together as we shared our thoughts on a more grounded level. A lot of passive information, and an understanding of general Hindu philosophy I carried both conscientiously and subconsciously.
My grandmother is the small spark for my spiritual ignition. At the end of Havans, she would pose this question “Who am I?” for us to ask and answer to ourselves. It is something that stuck with me as my first inquiry towards spiritual truth, even though at the time I didn’t know that. Me and her even till this day engage in small debates or share ideas based on our understanding of philosophy when we see each other.
First Spiritual Awakening
My brother and I had an apartment together. It was on the top floor, all of the walls were a clean white, and the sunset can be seen looking out the window resting on the tree line. I remembered it was just me in the living room, the walls were an orange hue due to the sunset, and I had just made plans with my friends. A feeling of great gratitude came over me, I was deeply appreciative how far I have come and where I was. Thinking of what I have and what I don’t have, and telling myself everything will be fine. I looked at the sunset, and this wave of something I had never felt before rushed through every part of my being. It was a new emotion, like seeing a new color, and what I can only describe as the Divine. I clasped my palms in reverence to this feeling and thanked. Thanked what? Then I came back, and was deeply confused and curious. What was that? Why did I do that? My pursuit began. Either everything is wrong, or it is not explained properly. I started to read. Upinishads, and the Bhagavad Gita, over and over again. I listened to the Gita when I was doing most things, and absorbed Shri Krishna’s words. Then I told myself, this was never explained properly to me.
I began to follow Shri Krishna’s instructions on how to meditate as per chapter 6, and to my amazement, things happened very quickly for me.
I will not go into too much detail on any personal experience from here. Through those early days of meditation, I became convinced of God’s with form, knowledge beyond learning, and mastery of the self to perceive the subtle. Krishna turned into Lord Shiva, who I wasn’t that familiar with at the time. I thought to myself, “Strange, why is he showing up?” I didn’t read anything about him. Despite my lack of knowledge, I resonated with Lord Shiva deeply over time, and attended Abhishekam of the Lingum meditating on his power.
I studied Advaita Vedanta heavily, and came to this philosophy as possibly the truth. I explored Kashmir shaivism and resonated with its ability to explain its version of cause.
Even with all this, I still chased the things I felt were missing in my life. Fear was deeply hidden, and when it became exposed, it became both my undoing and my initiation.
The Turning Point
Throughout my spiritual journey I have been the observer. Then there came a time of great obstacles, like nothing was going right. I stopped observing, and started asking. I invoked a mantra, constant focus and repetition on finding what is being asked of me. Something answered back. Many strange things began to happen, Shakti, Kundalini, began to crack me open. At this point, many things were finding me, or I happened to be in the right place with divine timing.
A vision of the Divine Mother, and an energetic response suggested that I seek guidance. After listening and following through, I got initiated into Kali Tantra. Learned many techniques and participated in high energy rituals first hand with Ma Kali at the forefront. I have felt the darkest night of the soul, I have understood mystical power, and I no longer deny the esoteric ancient wisdom. I maintain the skeptic heart, and in doing so I became deeply amazed and forever changed. How I have seen the light of creation with gratitude, and sat in the darkness of the unmanifested womb with power.
My attitude towards curtain speakers, towards incorrect ritual invocation, towards Advaitans, and Tantrics, became more critical. Something was wrong. I feel the weight of Ma’s sword in my hand at times. A deep sense that philosophies are not following through with being both useful and logical. There are deep reasons to care for this world without abstraction of even its darkest elements, there is a purpose to this existence down to the karmic level. Why disregard any element? Words were often accompanied by a privileged view of the world and branded as spirituality. The answers are already there, and it is time that something changed just as they have always done in this tradition. This is a path of seekers that evolved and changed knowledge over time. We have a modern understanding that can bring us back to the point of all this, that can bring us back to emphasizing Dharma in Santana Dharma.
Hospitalized
I started to write. Take notes. Read many books and listen to podcasts and synthesize everything together. At this stage I was not listening to absorb, I was listening to dissect. Over time this conceptual principle started to form. Yet, I hadn’t fully dedicated myself to these revelations. It felt like it was more for myself to exhaust these ideas. I find myself at times not wanting to talk about anything else except spiritual insight and philosophy, but no one to talk to. I figure if I write it down, I can live a normal life with normal conversations.
The universe responded. No.
On June 20th 2025, my appendix perforated. I was in the hospital overnight for two weekends in a row. Before the appendix ruptured, I felt very little symptoms or no pain. My practice continued, and what I thought was some type of muscle cramping was easily ignorable. Then on the day the appendix ruptured is when I felt the pain, again, not as excruciating as people have normally reported, but enough pain for me to call a nurse who told me to go to the emergency room.
The nurse had the same birthday as me, something to note, I don’t know its significance.
It was when I was in the hospital bed alone when I was overcome with this feeling that I cannot hoard this knowledge just to know for myself. It felt like madness; write, finish, plan, think. Do not delay. And now I am here, knowing what I must do and where the future needs to step towards.
Even with all this logic. The world is connected by love. The beauty of this entire world is through this love. When I had finally seen that connection briefly with my own eyes, it created a longing in my very being. It grips my heart, and that is okay.